Love is a choice. It is easy to “fall in love” but it takes work to “stay in love”. Some people believe that romantic relationships are easy.
Maybe you have been in a relationship for some time; but now you are beginning to notice signs of it unraveling. Maybe you are in denial. You know that it’s ‘ova’, but you don’t want to let go because you don’t want to experience the hurt. Ending a relationship really does hurt!
We have all faced life-changing disappointments that have left us breathless. One of the most stressful events in an individual’s life is dissolution of a relationship. The decision to love another person for a lifetime can be exciting or daunting. However, the dissolution of a relationship can leave you sad, heartbroken and empty.
Anyone can feel overwhelmed at the prospect of dealing with loneliness after being in a relationship for a long period of time. Now, it’s ‘ova’. What happened?
Relationships can deteriorate for many reasons. Most people attribute breakups to one of these nine causes
Unwilling to compromise – no one wants to say “I’m sorry, I apologize” or “forgive me”
Feeling constrained – feeling stuck in an unwanted relationship
Premature Commitment – making commitments without taking time to get to know one another
Ineffective communication – anger, verbal abuse, silence, don’t listen, insults; unable to resolve conflicts
Bored with the relationship – excitement and arousal has waned; vulnerable; idle mind; internet trolling
Availability of a more attractive alternative (or ex-lover returns) – life is unfulfilled; a more appealing prospect in mind
Low levels of satisfaction – commitment and expectations decrease; unfaithful; unrepentant
Too “churchy” – spend more time with pastor and church members than the relationship; lack of spiritual intimacy; no spiritual growth.
Faults – no one wants to take the blame, finger pointers
Other factors include loss of interest, desire for independence and/or conflicting attitudes.
Warning signs to look for in an unraveling relationship
Lack of communication – less contact; number of calls during the week drastically reduced
Internet Trolling – more attention given to cellphone calls and social media than the relationship; secret calls and flirtations.
Lies & excuses – making up stuff; can’t look you in the eye straight; tell two different tales, can’t keep the first lie straight; re-used excuses; heightened arguments
Lack of affection – loss of intimacy; uninterested
Nag Nagging – constant negative thoughts about the relationship; obnoxious nagging; irritating partner
STOP in the name of love! Think it ‘ova’
STOP trying to make a dead relationship work.
STOP spending your money on somebody who don’t want you; you can’t buy affection
STOP wasting your time. Think! If they are incarcerated…..hello?
STOP giving your body (God’s temple) up for free;
STOP dwelling on could-have-been, should-have-been, or would-have-been.
If he or she is not interested in you, walk away…. let it go. It’s ‘ova’! You can’t make someone like or love you.
Coping with Relationship Dissolution
Break the loneliness depression cycle – It’s okay to cry, pout and be mad at the world, invite your friends over and throw a pity party……it hurts…. then get over it! Engage in social activities like join a gym, sign up at a book club, or write in a spiritual journal; find things to do; go shopping; resist the temptation to withdraw from family and friends;
Take time out – Take time out for yourself; treat yourself nice; take yourself to a spa, movie, vacation; give yourself a break. Renew your relationship with yourself, get to know yourself and love yourself.
Avoid repeating negative patterns – Don’t dwell on the past. It’s time to move forward. If your “ex” caused you pain in the past, why return for more pain? Haven’t you been hurt long enough? Let him or her go!!! Learn from past hurtful experiences. Use past relationships as a guide. Protect your heart.
Forgiveness – Breathe and let go of hostility, anger, bitterness, vengeance and negative emotions attached to the former relationship. The natural tendencies in us want to take revenge or become hostile. Forgiveness involves counteracting those tendencies and forgive the offending person. Forgiveness releases you from the liability of the former relationship and gives you freedom to move forward and start fresh. It is difficult to forgive the people who hurt us the most.
“Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD”. Psalms 27:14
“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.” 2 Peter 1:2 NIV
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